By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
