i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
