Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
