I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
