Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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