Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
