1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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