I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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