I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
