I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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