Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
