Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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