i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
