I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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