Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
