Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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