So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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