you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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