i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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