Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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