I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
her vagine was all disorganized.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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