you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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