help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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