That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
