I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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