Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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