i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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