he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
