make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
