Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
