my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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