So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
