under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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