I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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