It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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