This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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