The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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