you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
