Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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