Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
