I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
