It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
