Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
