I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
