If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
