is wine microwaveable?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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Oh Jesus.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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