So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sarcasm needs its own font
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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