i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just googled if crying burns calories
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You need a sexual gate keeper
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
