maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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