why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
His nipple licking is glorious
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