he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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