He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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