His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
