look no pants
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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