If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
