so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
