People in love make me want to vomit
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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