I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
