I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
