I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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