I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
