Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
