Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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