woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
