I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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