I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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