I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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