I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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