So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
