I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
