Where is the hickey?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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