You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
