We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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