I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
