i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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