the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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