she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
