I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You may now shotgun with the bride
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
