this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
