My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
