Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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